Psychiatric Health Clinic

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We’re big fans of deregulation in that alleyway behind the barber shop, mostly because we don’t actually have any license to sell drugs — or even have a business anyway. Also we don’t pay taxes and we don’t, strictly speaking, have any coordinated system for customer satisfaction or insurance, guarantees, that sort of thing. We pretty much feel that the economy should regulate itself, the idea being that without all the red tape, companies could focus entirely on ensuring that their product is good and that their relationship with their clients is the best it can possibly be.

On those criteria, our specialised expert treatment area is a smashing success, provided we ignore the small but somewhat growing population of customers who subsequently needed to be admitted to actual, more official clinics following the sustained use of our products, often needing to be put on a leash or chained to a wall, raving about monsters, that kind of thing. Come to think of it, this one guy Horatio — he was always a funny one — recently fell under the delusion that his stomach was being eaten from the inside by a flock of demonic sheep. That they actually found tiny sheep in his stool is neither here nor there, and is quite unrelated to the fact that we occasionally use sheep eggs in our drugs if other ingredients are unavailable for whatever reason. The thing to remember is, of course, that people who come to us for reasons of physical or psychological treatment are, almost by definition, people who have issues. Any problems they might have after our treatment are, more likely than not, remnants from their earlier days of mental or chemical imbalance, rather than results of our program. Plus, we’re totally unofficial so you can’t sue us.